The Friend Zone (Rant)
When I have a deeply rooted belief in something, nothing can change my mind. That being said, I don’t have many deeply rooted beliefs. I can usually be swayed to either side on some topics, but for the most part I have a mixed opinion or no opinion at all on a lot of topics. I wouldn’t say I’m apathetic about most decisions or morals, I just enjoy open ended conversations. I usually don’t see decisions or morals in black and white because I feel like everything can have an excuse or a hypothetical situation to flip my ideals around.
I have been wanting to write about this subject for quite sometime because I have such a solid opinion on “friendzoning”. I hate the term. HATE IT. I mostly hate it because it’s used in completely different ways so there isn’t a solid definition. This is my opinion, I’m not saying that these are the correct definitions or examples, they are simply my thoughts. I used a heterosexual relationship because I’m a girl and I have only been in heterosexual relationships.
Friendzone (Noun) Example: A girl named Tanya likes a boy named Miles that she recently met. While Tanya does like Miles neither of them have discussed whether their feelings for each other are platonic or romantic They hang out together both in groups and one on one but Tanya can’t tell if Miles likes her back or only wants friendship from her.
That^ is being in the friendzone. This is the simplest I could make this situation. If Tanya tells Miles how she feels and he says he wants to only be friends or if he says he likes her then they are no longer in the friendzone. The friendzone, in my opinion, is when you’re not sure how the other person feels. Technically, Miles and Tanya are friendzoning each other since neither of them are talking about it.
Friendzoning (Verb), in my opinion, is when someone is giving you mixed signals (Like kissing you on occasion or flirting randomly) and you can’t decipher where you are in the relationship. Are you friends, are you friends with benefits or are you dating?
Hypothetical friendzone jerk situation #1: If Tanya has told Miles how she feels and Miles keeps avoiding the subject or won’t give any clarification to Tanya then that’s friendzoning at a jerk level. If I were Tanya, I’d high tail it out of there. There is a chance that Miles could actually like Tanya but maybe he recently went through a break up, or he likes her but he’s not sure how much he likes her. He could be confused and need to figure it out for himself. This shouldn’t be an ongoing process. This should be a week or two of thinking and then boom; time to retalk the situation and figure out what’s going on.
If someone doesn’t know how they feel about you, then you should really reconsider dating them. You want someone who is as enthusiastic about you as you are about them. If you stick around and wait too long nothing (Most likely) is going to change and you’ll be in a miserable cycle of unrequited/confused feelings. If you choose to stay in this particular situation than you are not being friendzoned…. you’re being used. Cut it out. You’re using one another (For different reasons obviously) or you need to stop the situation completely and see if the friendship is still salvageable.
Hypothetical friendzone jerk situation #2: Miles knows that Tanya likes him but does nothing about it even when she hints at it. He only keeps Tanya around because he enjoys hanging out with her and what she can do for him. Tanya’s feeling for him boosts Miles’ self esteem. That’s wrong for so many reasons. I consider this to be THE WORST version of friendzoning.
Tanya can be friendzoned if Miles gives her mixed signals but she can’t be friendzoned if Miles tells her he is or is not interested. If Tanya or Miles never brings up how they feel about each other, Tanya isn’t friendzoned. If you don’t tell someone how you feel about them, then you’re never going to know the answer! You can’t help it if someone doesn’t reciprocate your love.
If Miles tells Tanya he’s not interested it isn’t his fault. This is when I get mad about the term friendzoning. I hate when people say that Tanya has been friendzoned. She hasn’t. She knows that Miles isn’t interested. It isn’t his fault, Tanya shouldn’t make Miles feel bad because her love in unrequited. That’s not friendzoning people. That’s forcing emotions or feelings that aren’t there and that’s wrong. If Tanya decides to remain friends with Miles that isn’t being in the friendzone either. In that situation you either need to fix the friendship or dump them as a friend.
Ok, sorry for the long rant but this was all brought up because of SourceFed Nerd’s discussion on Table Talk the other day. I want to know your thoughts and opinions? What’s your definition of the friendzone?
Posted on August 7, 2014, in Past Entries and tagged advice, boyfriend, dating, friend, friends, friends with benefits, friendzone, friendzoning, girlfriend, heterosexual, partner, rant, relationships, sourcefed, table talk. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.