I feel guilty on a daily basis. I feel guilty about stupid things like pulling out in front of a car when I should have waited, or saying something to a friend that wasn’t well thought out and could be misconstrued as mean. Catholic guilt is real people! I feel it all the time. I still feel weird about cussing. I will usually feel guilty about something at least once a day. It’s going to happen. I’m lucky that there aren’t more things that plague me.
There are some really big changes going on in my life today. I don’t want to discuss it right now, but I will soon, I promise. I had a really hard time making a decision that was possibly life altering. I needed to think of what’s best for me and what was best for me was to go for it. I’m worried and terribly nervous about this whole ordeal, but I think I knew deep down that it was the right decision for me. I need change. I thrive on change, and while staying in one spot is comfortable and roomy it’s not practical. I need to provide myself with more challenges, I thrive on it. So why do I feel more content staying then looking for new possibilities? I think it’s because it’s scary. The unknown is always scary.
People who have known me for an extended amount of time know that I used to be very concrete in my decisions and never really did anything “crazy”. After college, my life completely flipped upside down. I realized that I should do whatever I want to do. I don’t live life with regrets. I live by this philosophy, but sometimes this is a hard mantra to live by. I try to do something everyday that scares me. It could be telling a guy I like telling someone how their comment really made me feel. Well, this decision, definitely mind blowingly scares me. I have to face the facts and realize that life is going to frighten me. We’re not kids anymore. Big decisions and life changing circumstances are what we have to face now. The adult world is a roller coaster of emotions and as an adult we’re faced with the reality of making them and living with the consequences.
Sure I have tried to figure out where Neverland is a couple of times in the past few days. I’m not too keen on growing up yet, but who is? While Juno said it sarcastically, I still need to dream big! I’m 26 now and I have something to prove. I need to take charge of my life. I keep saying I’m going to, with no results. Well ladies and gentleman, I have definitely made some results now.
What big decisions are you working through? What make you feel guilty? Are you also a fellow victim of Catholic guilt?