The Shame In Being Single


I ran into a group of people that I knew in my younger days. They’re almost a form of nostalgia since we used to live in the same neighborhood. I grew up and went to grade school with their kids and played capture the flag in their yards every summer growing up. I love these people. They didn’t recognize me at first, (Hopefully because I’ve grown up in a less awkward more sophisticated way), but then they hugged me and did the, “You’re so grown up!”, thing we all do when we can’t believe where the time has gone.

Anyways, they asked me how I was doing and what I was up to. I wanted to lie. I wanted to tell them that I was engaged to a manager from (INSERT VALUABLE COMPANY HERE), and that we made butt loads of money and had a beautiful house, and I didn’t have to work anymore because my fiance let me concentrate on my writing instead…. I don’t know why I wanted to lie, I didn’t have to impress these people. They’re nice and they know me relatively well. Why would I lie to them? I wasn’t sure, but I felt the need to boast, despite the fact that I have a pretty amazing life already. I did mention that I was a homeowner and that I have a great job, but I avoided talking about how I’m currently scoring 0 in the love life department. I get 8 and 9’s in everything else, but my life report card is still missing someone to spend it with.

The same sort of thing happened at a party recently. While they didn’t mean to, they asked where my significant other was. Why didn’t I bring them? I simply stated that I wasn’t dating anyone at the moment. Bllaahhhh. I hate saying this because people are all,  “How’s that possible!?” I don’t know. Find me a dorky and cute single man around my age and right this wrong! I don’t mind. I of course, don’t usually say that, but while it used to be a flattering question when I was recently single, it’s now a daunting life pondering question. Why am I still single? Where have the dorky, funny, nice, cute single boys gone in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky?

I was talking to my best friend about this dilemma… well sort of. I mentioned how I was somewhat upset that I didn’t “measure up” to who I thought I was going to be at this age. I have a lot of things going for me, there is NO reason for me to complain. Our younger selves aspired to a lot, it’s amazing that we’re even close to our “dream selves”.  I just wonder if everyone else feels the same way I do? Sure, my friends might have significant others in their life, but are they insecure in a different aspect of their life? Maybe. We’re in our twenties! Who says we have to figure all this crap out right now?

I constantly think about how the cast from Friends were only 26 when the show first started. While it weirds me out that Chandler and Monica get married and succeed in love early on, Joey is still a very confused struggling actor who only slept around (Granted that’s how he wanted it), Ross technically had three failed marriages under his belt but was excelling in his career and Rachel was successful but was at a loss in her love life as well. Phoebe, Monica and Chandler were the only ones who figured out their love lives early on. Most people struggle. Heck, that’s why we had Sex in the City. That show made me realize I was not alone. I shouldn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed that I don’t have a boyfriend. I’d much rather be with someone who I want to be with, instead of dating someone randomly in order to “fit in”. I could be unhappily married right now or in a confusing and complicated relationship. I’m not. That’s still a plus, even if it doesn’t always seem like it.

So, you’ve heard this before but I mainly am writing this so us lost people can support each other. We’re not really lost, we just need to talk to each other and give each other guidance. So if you’re single and feel ashamed even though you shouldn’t, or are confused by which path to take in life, this is your blog people. Let’s talk it out. What was your dream job as a kid?

Some fantastic reading material for those who do the Shame Single Dance:


About juliagoolia1920

I'm a twenty something wannabee writer, who is trying to figure out this whole adulthood thing. In my free time, when I'm not writing, I enjoy beer and Netflix. Preferably together. I gravitate towards Cincinnati at night and live in the burbs during the day. On my blog you will find reviews, anecdotes, stories and the occasional rant.

Posted on January 19, 2015, in Past Entries and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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