My Experience With Anxiety
I have talked about having anxiety before, but I have never delved into the topic. I have started many entries with this subject in mind but I have never published them because I was afraid to talk about it, or admit my problem, if you will. While I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed, since I have nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s hard for me to admit when I am not in control of my own body. Having anxiety is a subject that is relatively new to me. I never really dealt with anxiety until three and a half years ago when I moved out of my parent’s house. Perhaps my anxiety started because I was living on my own for the first time, or maybe it was because I was in my mid twenties and was truly growing up for the first time. Working full time in general was stressful. I’m not sure if these factors contributed to the anxiety, but I do know that when I moved out, everything changed.
I love living on my own and having my own sense of independence, but when I moved out, it was a drastic change. I hate to quote, oh who am I kidding I love to quote, “With great power, comes great responsibility.” However, Ben Parker in Spiderman was right. When I moved out I had a whole new outlook on life and myself. I no longer had the option to work full time, I had to. I had all of these bills to pay and life became increasingly more serious as time went on. Despite the benefits of being an adult, there are always cons, but I never thought I would be one to handle these responsibilities with fear.
The annoying thing about anxiety is the lack of sensibility about the ordeal you’re going through. Brushing off the conflict is usually unfathomable, or at least it is for me. I can somewhat reason with myself, but other times I have to concentrate on small things that are insignificant to take the focus off of my worries. Breathing is a huge part of it. I sometimes can’t tell if I’m having an asthma or panic attack. Granted, I usually need my inhaler after I have a panic attack, so they probably go hand in hand. I concentrate on my breathing because I don’t want my blood pressure to rise anymore than it probably already is. I spell difficult words in my mind, I exercise. This is how I keep a small shred of sanity. I also talk to one of my best friends who can commiserate with me and knows how to calm me down. My boyfriend also has a knack at putting my mind at ease.
Since I have admitted that I have this problem, I encourage others to do so as well. I hate saying that exercising has helped because I feel like I’m going against my Gilmore Girls tendencies by working out (Despite the fact that Gilmore Girls probably shouldn’t be hating on the exercise as much as they do) but being healthy helps. I’m hoping that since I don’t have extreme anxiety that I can go through my life by making minor adjustments and learning new coping techniques. However, I am trying to keep my feelings in check and I’m monitoring if these new routines and techniques are helping in case I might need further help.
This post was presented in a more conversational format than usual because I am merely talking about my experience and I would love the advice of others. I really am uneducated about anxiety but I’d always love to learn more. So please feel free to comment with advice or with your experiences. Thank you!