Hey everyone! I really wanted to write this entry but I swear I’ll write the NYC one soon. I have been commiserating with my sisters on the good, the bad and the ugly parts of having a “child”. Check out my post last week if you want a back story of how I got my puppy Murphy Brown and why. Please let me disclose that I think being an actual parent is MUCH harder then being a pet owner, but there are some hilarious similarities.
1. You don’t sleep the same way you used to. As in, you don’t get much sleep at all. You’re either worried their uncomfortable, they have peed/pooped themselves so much that they woke up, they’re crying or they think 2 am is play time. I have a new routine where my dog does (FINALLY) sleep through the night, but she will get up at 5:45 am and want to play.
2. You worried about their level of comfort more than your own. Sometimes it’s because you want them to sleep and you don’t want ANYTHING interrupting their nap time, but most of the time you feel guilty for moving or breathing. Hence, you sleep and sit in awkward positions to appease your “child”.
3. You want your “child” to have friends but you’re also worried about their friends. Your internal thoughts run as so, “Aw, look they’re so cute when they’re playing. That doesn’t look like a very nice girl, she’s a lot taller, what if she bites her?! I will kick that girl’s butt if she even touches my baby!”
4. There’s an awful moment where they have had an accident (They’ve spilled, broke or chewed on something you didn’t want them to) but you’re in the middle of something, and you can’t decide what to do first.
5. Basically it’s a lot of prioritizing. Is work more important? Are friends more important? Is staying out another hour more important? Answer to all, nope.
6. When you are out and trying to enjoy yourself without your “child” you can’t help but worry about them and want to check in constantly. I’m guilty of this already.
7. You feel like you’re slowly turning into your parents. “We’ve talked about this! I told you not to do that!” You find yourself also using words you would never use in adult life, like using the word potty and calling yourself mommy or daddy.
8. If you have a significant other you will find yourself obsessed with asking them about your “child’s” bathroom habits. “Did she pee or poop? Did it look ok? Was there a lot of poop?” Sooooo much poop.
9. Instead of buying things for yourself you end up spoiling your “child” constantly. There’s always another toy that they have to have.
10. However, most importantly, you notice how full your life is with them in it. You feel fulfilled when they’re around. You’re happier and are constantly sad and happy by the fact that they grow so fast.
Hey everyone! I know I never post anymore, but I’m trying to get back into the swing of things. I really do miss writing but I’ve been taking a mental health break because a lot of crap has been going on. I’m fine, but I needed some downtime and wanted to give myself the least amount of responsibility as possible. I was balancing wayyyyy too many things. Anyways, while I was gone these were the things that kept me sane. I hope these tips can work for you!
- Sometimes you need to take a sick day when you’re not sick. When you feel like you’re at a breaking point, take a day off. Nothing is worse than an emotional explosion that has you crying in public. Try to avoid these situations by take a mental health day and allowing yourself to sleep in and unwind.
- Think of projects that can keep you busy. Are you like me and have a yard that looks like Secret Garden, but like the first shot of the garden where everything is dead and sad and it looks abandoned? Yeah, you might want to spruce it up. Even if you’re lacking some cash just rake a few leaves, or pull some weeds around your home. It’ll make you feel better and your neighbors might appreciate you a bit more. Don’t have a garden? Sew, play video games, do a puzzle, cook or scrapbook. Productivity is key. I tend to make lists of all the things I need to do. I love crossing things off when they’re done.
- Let yourself get lost in a TV show or book. I personally find myself wrapped up in books but occasionally I will get way too obsessed with characters in a show (Game of Thrones stresses me out on a weekly basis).
- Find a new place to go. I like to try new places, it takes me out of my comfort zone and puts me in a whole new mindset.
- Help someone with an issue they’re having or make someone’s day better. I like cooking and baking so I’ll make someone something and it’s my little way of improving someone’s day.
- Ask yourself, if this going to damage or change my life in the next year, in the next five years or the next ten years? If the answers to one or all of those are yes, then well you have a bit of a problem on your hands. You might want to dwell on the issue for a moment, but don’t let it consume you. Realize that you will have this problem for awhile and that you have time to think it over. If the answer to all of those questions are no; don’t spend time on it. It’s going to be over, it sucked but move on.
- Hike or exercise. I usually am bad at taking this advice, but when I do finally get my butt in gear, it helps. I also hate jogging, thanks Parks and Recreation, so I mainly find sports/activities that make me forget I’m working out.
- Write down everything that makes you happy. It sounds dumb but when you finish the list (most of the time) you will see all of the things that make you feel happy and want to reconsider your bad mood/mindset.
- Listen to music. It could be really sad, happy or really loud. I personally go back to me “emo” days and listen to screamo music and shout the lyrics. However, listening to sad music makes me more pensive and I end up writing.
- Scream curse words (hopefully in a place where people won’t stare at you… unless that’s your thing). Say the worst things imaginable. This relieves stress, believe me. However, curse responsibly 🙂 .
How do you maintain your mental health?
I have talked about having anxiety before, but I have never delved into the topic. I have started many entries with this subject in mind but I have never published them because I was afraid to talk about it, or admit my problem, if you will. While I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed, since I have nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s hard for me to admit when I am not in control of my own body. Having anxiety is a subject that is relatively new to me. I never really dealt with anxiety until three and a half years ago when I moved out of my parent’s house. Perhaps my anxiety started because I was living on my own for the first time, or maybe it was because I was in my mid twenties and was truly growing up for the first time. Working full time in general was stressful. I’m not sure if these factors contributed to the anxiety, but I do know that when I moved out, everything changed.
I love living on my own and having my own sense of independence, but when I moved out, it was a drastic change. I hate to quote, oh who am I kidding I love to quote, “With great power, comes great responsibility.” However, Ben Parker in Spiderman was right. When I moved out I had a whole new outlook on life and myself. I no longer had the option to work full time, I had to. I had all of these bills to pay and life became increasingly more serious as time went on. Despite the benefits of being an adult, there are always cons, but I never thought I would be one to handle these responsibilities with fear.
The annoying thing about anxiety is the lack of sensibility about the ordeal you’re going through. Brushing off the conflict is usually unfathomable, or at least it is for me. I can somewhat reason with myself, but other times I have to concentrate on small things that are insignificant to take the focus off of my worries. Breathing is a huge part of it. I sometimes can’t tell if I’m having an asthma or panic attack. Granted, I usually need my inhaler after I have a panic attack, so they probably go hand in hand. I concentrate on my breathing because I don’t want my blood pressure to rise anymore than it probably already is. I spell difficult words in my mind, I exercise. This is how I keep a small shred of sanity. I also talk to one of my best friends who can commiserate with me and knows how to calm me down. My boyfriend also has a knack at putting my mind at ease.
Since I have admitted that I have this problem, I encourage others to do so as well. I hate saying that exercising has helped because I feel like I’m going against my Gilmore Girls tendencies by working out (Despite the fact that Gilmore Girls probably shouldn’t be hating on the exercise as much as they do) but being healthy helps. I’m hoping that since I don’t have extreme anxiety that I can go through my life by making minor adjustments and learning new coping techniques. However, I am trying to keep my feelings in check and I’m monitoring if these new routines and techniques are helping in case I might need further help.
This post was presented in a more conversational format than usual because I am merely talking about my experience and I would love the advice of others. I really am uneducated about anxiety but I’d always love to learn more. So please feel free to comment with advice or with your experiences. Thank you!
When I was in high school, everyone told me that I would outgrow my insecurities. They told me that I’d be more confident in my appearance, be more loving towards my flaws and that I would be more confident about my intellect. I felt like this Mean Girls clip, except I was definitely not popular in high school. Over the years I do admit that I have a handle on these things. However, nobody told me that I would gain new insecurities. I thought that adults knew everything, and knew what to do. Sure, I might have an idea of who I am and where I want to go in life (Which is a first, believe me), but everyone is insecure. You don’t outgrow it!
Instead of being concerned about my appearance, I’m more concerned about my banking statements. Instead of wondering if I’m smart enough to get through high school, I worry about my work experience and if I’m good at my job. I constantly feel like I’m freaking out about something or the status of where my life is headed. How’s my relationship with my family, friends, or my boyfriend and does my boss think I’m a good worker? These are the things that I get all tangled up about. The only silver lining in all of this is that I know when I’m being annoying and insecure. I can be a brat and become incredibly inept at handling my situations just because I’m “having a moment”. However, I have the problem where I can’t get over myself in the moment. I realize how insane I’m being, but that doesn’t exactly stop me.
I like to think I’m incredibly self aware, but I have no follow through. I turned 27 in November and I think it has me all sorts of confused. I’m fine, I know that I will snap out of it and get on with my life, but I didn’t expect this age to hit me as hard as it did. One of the biggest steps to having a problem is admitting it, right? I believe that a lot of people are going through this realization…. well at least I am. This is why I titled my blog the way I did. I want to be an adult, I want to grow up. Hell, I’m Peter Pan’s worst enemy! I think this is a new step. I need to accept that insecurities, come with the territory. I have a great life, and now I need to live it. That’s the thing, going through adulthood doesn’t mean you’ve got it all figured out.
How do you deal with your insecurities?
Hello everyone! I know, I know. I haven’t written in forever. Lot of things have changed since I wrote my last blog entry. I’ve been having a hard time writing entries due to the added stress and the temporary absence of my best friend. My best friend has moved to Spain temporarily and while I’m completely excited for his adventure, I am a bit lost at times. Don’t get me wrong, my bestie leaving has helped me in some ways. I no longer rely on only hanging or talking to him about my problems because he’s not here, but as expected, the transition has been difficult.
I can’t even been to describe the amount of worry I have in a daily basis. The majority of my day is spent being concerned about my actions and how it might affect others. This is why I like to write, I can get all of my thoughts on paper and arrange them properly and creatively. I have a serious talent for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I fortunately do have a talent for sensing where I stand with someone. I’m bubbly and outgoing most of the time. In turn, I usually can turn it around. Usually.
When my bff was in town I used to be able to walk around Washington Park with him and drink something fabulous from Coffee Emporium. The BFF and I would complain and vent about our daily on goings and then hug it out. It was great. We would analyze and prioritize our problems and dreams and we would figure out how to solve everything together. When my bff told me he was going to Spain to continue his dream, I was happy for him of course. I knew that what he wanted to do would be amazing for his career and I think he was in a place where he needed a big change to impact his life. However, I was distraught to say the least. Of course, having a boyfriend helps, and I do have some amazing friends, but there’s something that happens when your best friend leaves. Your best friend understand you in a way no one else does. You fight like siblings but there’s still a sense of companionship that is always present. You don’t have to apologize all the time, they already know what your intentions are. Lastly, you can be yourself, there’s nowhere to hide. They know what you’re thinking and it’s both a curse and a blessing.
Talking to my bff via Skype and Whats App (Both are apps that use data to talk to anyone with a smart phone anywhere) has been challenging. Long distance made easy, right? Eh, wrong. I mean it’s great that I can use data instead of spending mounds of money to call him, but it sucks because obviously teleportation still isn’t possible. I can’t hug my friend, I can’t get go with my bestie to a bar and I can’t completely express my hatred of Justin Beiber to him just by sending him a text message. When my bestie left I realized how much I depended on him. It’s a whole restructure of a friendship and I’m not sure I’ve gotten used to it just yet.
Any suggestions? How do you cope with having a long distance BFF?
Hi everyone! Did you miss me? I missed writing! I’ve been really stressed out lately. To the point where I have stress cleaned the crap out of my house, broke down crying once this week and played three hours of video games to avoid sleeping. No, it’s not healthy. Yes, I am trying to change it. However, sometimes you can’t change the situation, you can only change how you feel about it… which annoys me immensely. If you keep trying to change your predicament or you’re unable to change your problem, you’re stuck with the facts. Nothing is going to change, that means you have to. Coming to that realization is hard enough to face, but to actually change your mood about it is quite difficult.
I might have mentioned in a past post that I try to do something that scares me everyday. Whether that’s say exactly what I’m thinking (Hence the above video and post title) or it’s doing something I want to do even though I’m terrified of the consequences. This week I’ve pushed my limits a bit. I wasn’t the usual pushover I usually am (I liked to think I’m laid back but I definitely think it’s a combination of both). I was a bit more feisty in a conversation than I needed to be. It didn’t go exactly well for me, but the result was that I was actually heard. Sometimes I still feel like I have youngest child syndrome. I either feel like I’m not being heard at all. I feel like I will say something and nobody will hear me. I figure, I can either deal with this or I can be louder or more articulate with what I’m saying.
I also was screwed over by Jiffy Lube. Long story short, they broke my oil pan. While I did cave and only settled for them paying for half of the damages, I did write a few reviews that would steer away anyone looking at their social media pages. I was tasteful, and I did point out the actual problem, so I didn’t write a scathing review but I feel like that is the more “mature” way to go about it anyway.
So I’m trying. I’m trying to stand up for myself and not be a pushover. It’s a slow process but I’m working on it. Any suggestions on how to get better at it?
I know it’s not Top Ten Tuesday, but I’ve been needing to write this post for awhile now and this is the only day I had any sort of free time because I’ve been sick and busy at work. Stress is difficult, and when I stress out I become upset. Hopefully you can either sympathize with the post and know you’re not alone or at the very least get a kick out of the fact that your life isn’t this ridiculous.
1. I stress clean. I clean like there’s a mold invasion in my home and the only way to get it out is vacuuming and scrubbing like no other. I think I do think because it’s a control issue. If I can make my house clean, then I can take control of my life. Obviously this isn’t true, but it helps.
2. I talk to myself and try to boost my confidence…. but mainly I’m just talking to myself. “Hey, this is happening now and it sucks, but there’s always coffee. Think about drinking some coffee. If you can do this today you can buy coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts and you will have deserved it.”
3. Vent. Oh I love to vent. Mainly I vent to my best friend, who uses me for venting at times, but I really will vent to anyone who will listen. I don’t have a vent filter, though I should.
4. I have this tendency to eat really bad junk food or I can’t eat at all. It depends on the situation. If I’m truly upset I won’t eat at all. I get an upset stomach and everything I eat just comes back to bite me. It really sucks because if I had the choice I’d be chowing down on Chinese food and ice cream for weeks.
5. I do the ugly cry. I tend to cry when I’m upset or really frustrated. I try to turn it off but once I reach a certain line the waterworks start rolling and I look like a complete mess. It’s not pretty,
6. I play video games. This really helps my stress level. I play video games until my eyes start to burn and I yearn to go to sleep. I particularly like to play Star Wars Battlefront but anything will do really. Grand Theft Auto has been known to increase the rage but it can be cathartic.
7. I call someone and talk to them. Preferably in person. Depending on how upset I am I call different people. If I need a mood booster I might call one friend or if I feel like I’m in the pits of despair I’ll call a different friend. Yes, I do call different people depending on my mood sometimes. I know I’m weird.
8. I write about the situation. This sometimes helps and sometimes it makes it worse. I can either work out my problem on paper or I’ve at least put all of my thoughts down and collected them into one nice essay. This really could either work or not work for you. It usually works for me because like stress cleaning, I can resolve the mess and at least pretend it’s fixed for now.
9. I hug someone. Cuddling helps. If you feel comfortable you can cuddle with your friend, family member or significant other. There’s research on how cuddling can help. Or if you’re out of humans to cuddle with, pet a dog or cat.
10. Scream like it’s going out of style… like that phrase. I have done this, it does hurt. Be smart about yelling. You can strain your voice and that would suck but there is a sense of release once you finally yell like a banshee.
Hello everyone, it is top ten Tuesday! Today I will be delving into the realm of dating. I have always been enthralled with the idea of love. I am a romantic. While I hate to admit it, I do like “The Notebook” and the occasional romantic comedy from time to time. So that is why I date. No, not so I have someone to watch rom coms with, but I date so that I can find someone to simply be with. Believe it or not, finding someone compatible can be rather challenging. Here are some tips that might help you along with you dating career:
1. Do not talk about your ex. I know that this gets repeated over and over again, but really, don’t. Know why? If you start talking about your ex you’re only going to be getting into a ditch that you’ll have trouble digging yourself out of. If they start talking about their ex, try to validate what they’re saying, but make sure to steer the conversation elsewhere. If they keep talking about their ex, get the Hell out of dodge. Seriously. Go.
2. Don’t get drunk on a date. It may seem like a great option when you’re nervous and freaking out, but believe me, don’t. You’ll most likely embarrass yourself, or at the very least you will be sleepy and won’t concentrate on the date.
3. Your first date, shouldn’t be a group date. It’s weird, it’s awkward and you won’t really get to know the person. Even if you have known the person for months or years, it’s hard to get personal when there’s five other people around.
4. Don’t go to a movie on your first date. Ditto to the above. Get to know them, talk to them!
5. You shouldn’t mention marriage or kids. Unless you want to do those things tomorrow and your date does too, it’s not the right thing to mention. Plus, there’s always time…. unless your ninety. Then there’s a little less time.
6. First dates can make anyone nervous. However, if you feel like you’re in a bad situation, you feel uncomfortable or if you feel like the date isn’t going anywhere-you should leave. I’ve recently been on a date where the guy wasn’t my type. There was nothing wrong with him. He was nice, but we didn’t have any chemistry. It didn’t feel right, so after an hour I told a white lie and left. He got the hint, I felt slightly guilty but it was for the best. I’d rather not lead someone on.
7. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. If you don’t want to go back to someone’s house, or if you don’t want to kiss the person you’re on a date with-you shouldn’t have to lower your level of comfort.
8. Never settle. If you’re not attracted to them, then why hurt the person you’re going on a date with? It’s cruel to them, and it’s a waste of time for you.
9. Date outside the box. If you like someone but they’re not your “type”, try dating them anyway. You can be pleasantly surprised when you try to meet new people.
10. DON’T BE YOURSELF. I know what everyone says, just be yourself and they’ll love you. Well I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t work. Be the best version of you, be the person you strive to be. Think of who you would like to be and become that person on your date. Who knows? Maybe you’ll become that amazing person you’ve always longed to be with another person. Now wouldn’t that be great?
What are some of your dating tips?
Having a hangover sucks, it can damper your day. However, having an emotional hangover? That is truly soul crushing. An emotional hangover (Or at least this is how I interpret it) is when you have feelings that last from one day to the next morning. Emotional hangovers can come in many forms: regret, sadness, remorse or it can be something you were completely embarrassed by. It’s that feeling that makes you wince the whole day when you remember that moment, it gives you a headache and your stomach borders on nausea the whole day. The worst is when you have an emotional hangover coinciding with an actual hangover. Basically, your worst nightmare, especially if it’s during the work week.
Unfortunately, I have emotional hangovers a lot. It can be something simple that makes me upset. I upset a friend unintentionally, I messed up something I could’ve been better at or I remember something that makes me cringe and I can’t let it go. I know that everything happens for a reason. Everyone has to make mistakes because we would never learn otherwise, but it sure does suck at the time. I don’t deal with emotional hangovers well. I tend to analyze everything in my life in general, so when something bad actually happens, all Hell breaks loose.
I don’t have the easiest time with letting go. I try to take control of everything in my life, and that obviously doesn’t work out well for me 90% of the time. If I try to sit there and change things, I might as well never leave my house. I have to learn how to adapt quickly to change and realize that it might burn now, but it will heal later on.
How do you deal with your emotional hangovers?
When you start “dating” in grade school, dealbreakers don’t exist. If someone likes you, you go with it. In high school it’s pretty much the same ordeal, depending on how many people you have dated. If you’re quite popular in the dating game you might have standards, but I can tell you that I didn’t… like at all. In college I realized that the rules of high school didn’t apply. Guys could be attractive and like me without the worry of being claimed unpopular, so dating was actually fun in college! In college I learned that dealbreakers existed, or could exist for me.
So what are dealbreakers? Well, they can be anything really. While I have a type (Dorky, tall, nice, funny, preferably enjoys binge watching Netflix) I really date anyone that I have a connection with. I tend to give everyone a chance unless I know from the get go that it’s not going to work. For example, if I find out that my possible date only likes sports and doesn’t have any interest in movies, books or the type of music I like (Basically if we had nothing in common at all) -I will be reluctant to go out with them. I really don’t want to embrace my fear of sitting on a date not knowing what to talk about. I’m a talker, so I can talk about virtually anything, but there are time limits on all conversations. I can only talk about so many small talk subjects or mundane details. Or if I knew they hated something I hold dear, like one of my friends or family members-It’s almost a 100% unlikely chance that I will go on a date with them. Those are my main dealbreakers.
However, I do have other dealbreakers. I am a really busy woman at this point. I have to make time for my job, my family and friends. If the guy I’m dating is also completely busy like me, but is unwilling to make time for me and won’t hang out with my fam or friends. We won’t date. I want to incorporate the guy I’m dating into my friend and family circle. I really do consider my family and friend’s opinions when it comes to who I date now. If they hate him, there’s only a very very very slim chance I’ll see him again. Also, if you don’t pay attention to my whole family, it’s not going to work dude. I get that not everyone is a kid person, but if we’re dating you’re going to have to make some sort of an effort.
If we’re going to be serious, I also need someone who’s passionate. Many people are not in their ideal dream job, but they have to aspire to more in their life. If they’re not passionate then it’s hard to fall in love with them. I’m not saying that have to have passion about their career but they need to be passionate about hiking, music, writing, or their friends and family. Something! They have to have a reason to get up every morning. While in theory it sounds like being a person’s only passion would be life fulfilling and amazing, it’s not. If you’re someone who only has a mediocre outlook on life and you have no need to better yourself, I won’t find you as attractive, I’m sorry, but it’s true. We all have trouble liking ourselves from time to time, but you have to like yourself for someone else to like you. *Cough cough Corny but true!!!!!! cough cough*
I have preferences. I have things that I want in a relationship, but the ones above are things my dealbreakers. What are yours?